I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
