Only a mothe r could love this liver
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
