According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
