Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
