just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Randomize
