Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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