i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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