you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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