so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Randomize
