The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize