He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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