Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
