So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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