no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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