It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
he puts the penis in happiness.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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