sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
