Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
