Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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