Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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