Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
