the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
