Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
