I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
