i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
