i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
