Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
