you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
