Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
