I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
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