I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize