i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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