The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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