I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
