Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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