they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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