I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
