ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
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