I accidentally burped into my bong.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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