youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
