I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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