VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
