She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Ketchup is God's man juice
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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