Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
