i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
