I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
