He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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