If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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