I bet he comes in French.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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