I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
