everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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