Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
