Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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