Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
