My friends, they love my intelligence
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
