Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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