elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
