he wants to bone in the snuggie
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Randomize