The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
