I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
