I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
