Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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