I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize