My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
