i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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