Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
