and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
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