I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
