she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
