Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
