I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
