There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
worst night to have a conscience
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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