just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize