U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
