My girlfriend figured out who you are.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize