Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
