Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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