Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
