I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
