the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
