4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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